Which way Western women?

Metoo and Bonnie Blue.

‘To have that much of a good relationship with your dad, to be able to share that bonding experience and share my holes I think it’s brilliant. ’ - Bonnie Blue

As I lie in my bed watching a TikTok about Bonnie Blue fucking a father and son at the same time I ask myself, has the sexual revolution gone too far?

Last year I made a concerted effort to read things that challenged my belief system. Engaging with a lot of authors that were against the sexual revolution and fourth wave feminism. Books such as Louise Perry’s The Case Against the Sexual Revolution and Mary Harrington’s Feminist Against Progress. Encountering some thought provoking points about the loneliness of hook-up culture and the dangers of the pill further solidified my hatred of fourth wave feminism, yet I still believed in the sexual revolution as a whole. I hate that sex is still viewed as something done to women rather than something they participate in. I hate the internal shame and external slut-shaming women receive for being sexually liberated and I hate that modern feminism has just made men hate us more.

I came to the isolating conclusion that my beliefs don’t really fit into any of these categories of feminism. I did not like that these books swing back to conservatism being touted as the only way of happiness for the modern woman; encouraging marriage and babies as the needed choice for true bliss. On the other side of the spectrum we have the viral Onlyfans girl using sexual escapades as a way to go viral. Making fun of mothers and traditional ways of living. It got me thinking a lot about the time we are in now. Podcasts of men sitting around debating body counts and loose vaginas and Onlyfans girls saying they are making millions of dollars a month. These people are not listening to each other ,rather bouncing from the extremity of Andrew Tate to people like Bonnie Blue and packaging rage as productive debate. Funnelling the degradation of the sex wars into clicks. The left is losing the culture war and it is women who are suffering from it. But what about the women making it worse?

Bonnie Blue is a UK born Onlyfans creator who recently set the world record for sleeping with 1056 men in just 12 hours. I have been trying to do the maths on this and truly don’t know how this is possible by anywho. She gained notoriety by having sex on camera with ‘barely legal, barely breathing and even a few disabled in their’ men and boys. Visiting schoolies and other post High School celebrations to fuck young men. This poses the ethical questions on whether or not drunk eighteen guys consent to sex on camera? Yes by a legal standard they are adults signing a consent waiver but is that enough? This predatory practice of scouting ‘barely legal’ men partying promotes a harmful belief system that men cannot be assaulted because they always want sex. As child sexual abuse survivor and activist Harrison James describes this practise as ‘5 minutes of naivety for these boys is a lifetime of profit for Bonnie Blue.’ While popular Australian online sex worker and Tiktok star Blue-eyed Kayla Jade says she ‘does not condone her work at all’, stating she ‘thinks it's vile.’ She argues an interesting viewpoint that women like Bonnie ‘are the reason people hate sex workers.’ Encouraging the stereotype that people in sex work are sexually predatory.

This rage bait is not just in her Onlyfans promotion, Blue goes on many a Podcast to talk about her worldview. I first became aware of Blue’s existence from a random clip on Instagram reels. The interviewer asks ‘do you think it’s okay that men cheat on your wives with you?’ Bonnie replies - ‘100%. Women are lazy, if you ask the average person when’s the last time your wife went down on him, they’re gonna say it's ages ago. The other thing with women, they want women rights, and they want things equal. But they’re the ones that want their bills paid for. They expect the guy to go earn more money than them. They also want the guy to come home, clean the house, look after the kids. So it’s like you can’t expect someone to do all of that and then you’re not even gonna do the bare minimum.’ I don’t think I need to spell out how wrong and gross this rhetoric is. The notion that sex is ‘a service they deserve’ etches eerily close to the thought process that rape is natural and a necessity in society. That men need to be sexually satisfied to function and it is women’s jobs to please them. Men are not owed anything but basic respect and kindness. No different to any person in the world, no one is indebted to you and sex is not a human right. She taps into internet subcultures by saying -'Oh and Karens, just a reminder it's not just your sons I'm happy to pleasure, it’s also your husband who you’ve neglected.’ She is the worst thing a woman can be, anti-women.

Both Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips come from middle class families. Blonde, white and pretty they have been successful in generating widespread media coverage and public controversy. Their use of aesthetic capital invites men of any income, class, race or nationality to fuck them. In a society of spectacle, is this performance art?

Josh Pieter’s documentary about Lily Phillips has gone viral. Pulling in 8 million views, the video chronicles the weeks leading up to and the day of Lily sleeping with 100 men in 24 hours. The Youtube video has sparked myriad of conversations. I encountered a lot of angry TikToks and Spectator articles before I even watched it. Radical feminist (trans and sex work exclusionary ) Julie Bindel came from the poor vulnerable traumatised victim Lily Phillips angle. She chooses to put her focus on the men who ‘exploit her’ and lined up to have sex with her. Although I cannot disagree with her statement that sleeping with 100 men is a ‘money-making gimmick’ I wanted to dispel the notion that women have no autonomy. I gotta be honest here, I struggled to do that. The primary difference between Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips is that Phillips comes across as damaged but harmless and likeable; Blue comes across as a psychopath with nothing behind her eyes.

Phillips is asked about what she won’t film for content. She says she has been asked to put ‘a bag over her head and pretend you’re like suffocated’, she said no to this custom request, stating ‘I don’t want to encourage it.’ The interview presses, taunting her with large numbers- ‘ I probably would bend my morals for 1 million’ she replies. In her privileged position as someone not working in survival sex work she lacks the strong sense of self needed for this kind of job. She operates in a space of oxymoron; stating they she would fuck all these men for free but she would do things out of her comfort zone for money. She justifies her lifestyle in the way many of us women do stating- ‘guys are always going to sexualise me, I most well profit from that.’ She is intelligent enough to know this is a double edged sword that- as she describes ‘when you are signing up to objectify yourself, it's like signing a deal with the devil. no one is going to see you as a human being.’ Memes of leaking donuts with large holes in the middle and her name under it and jokes about fathers staying in their daughters' lives prove this to be true. What is so tragic here is that the men they are desperately appealing to do not even see them as people.

What I found most disturbing about this scenario was the lack of thought and planning. Unlike a mainstream porn industry gang bang they did not require the men participating to be tested. They didn't run any sort of police checks and towards the end of the endeavour started inviting just anyone off the street. When Pieter asks her about the possibility of spreading HIV she exposes the fact that she doesn’t know HIV can spread through semen and has not even considered it as an issue to think about. After about 6 hours of non stop men her assistant says she has given Phillips some ‘snacks and electrolyse to keep her sort of functioning.’ While we don’t see her on camera at this point it provokes an image of a lifeless jellyfish being penetrated. After the ordeal Lily says she is 'not too sore down there' but describes her eyes as 'stinging' from cum even though she repeatedly asked the men not to ejaculate there. 'It's not for weak girls! i am not sure if i would recommend it' she says as she starts to cry. 'Sometimes you just disassociate' she utters. A sad truth of many sexual encounters in sex work and the everyday. But is Phillips a victim? She is responsible for her own behaviour and choices. She orchestrated it, she filmed it, she made money off it and is now doing a call out for her next endeavour of 1000 men.

“Among adults, promiscuity in men is generally viewed neutrally, whereas a woman’s reputation among her peers is damaged as her number of sexual partners increases. People may be reluctant actually to say so outright, but privately there is a social penalty suffered by women viewed as promiscuous.” - Louise Perry. We can wish it wasn't and know it is inherently wrong but sadly that doesn't make it any less true. The punishment for making money off your body in a culture where that is your prized commodity is a life-long battle with slut shaming. Expressions such as 'ran through', 'one for the streets', 'loose' , 'damaged goods' and 'unwrapped sweet' all signpost that a value is lost.

Whenever asked my opinions of Onlyfans I respond with my uncomfortability with digital intimacy with an exchange of money. I do not mean this in an anti-sex work sort of way. Rather, if you jack off to a pornstar on the internet once you are done you close the tab and go on with your day. You don’t expect her to text you or rate your dick. Porn used to be a thing you would consume but not actively engage with in a holistic way.

Now what is this connection I am trying to make between the Metoo movement and the rise of rage bait online sex workers. I argue that these diametrically opposed extremes can not co-exist. In their essence they contradict and counteract any positive moves on either side. We have one thought process about consent and the black and white nature of opposite sex interactions. While the other side is telling men ‘You can go for as many rounds as you want and you can finish whoever you’d like.’ I think what the conversations around Metoo tend to ignore is the women who use their sexuality to get ahead and have no qualms about it. While these women such as Bonnie Blue refuse to acknowledge the moral greys. The manosphere and liberal feminists will never see eye to eye. Is all hope lost?